it's been months since i've entered anything on my blog....moving, filming at usc, school beginning, auditions, heartaches, and much more fill the days and i forget to write. i feel rather whole and complete today. like i could survive/live like this for as long as needed. i look back at my life, the time i spent raising my children and i see them, all grown up, and realize, life is so short, a twinkling of an eye. i want to spend my days in gratitude and contentedness. a lofty goal indeed.
when i was sitting in this ladies home, where i rented a room, a voice came to me, prior to my move, loud and clear, that "you have nothing to worry about." such a short but profound statement. i try to apply it to my daily life. i really need a steady income and i am in a category now that leaves so little options that would be truly satisfying. but i am determined. i have the miracle concept to nurture in my mind. to believe that my soul is divine and precious and i can automatically create a miracle. i do believe that it's done with vast assistance by the almighty but believing in that one thing does bring it about for sure. my apartment is a prime example. i indeed had nothing to worry about.
i finally secured a commercial agent, and am spending time auditioning for anything that will give me the experience and confidence i need to succeed in this city. this town is over-saturated with beautiful, extremely talent actors/singers/writers, etc. but i do believe with certainty that there is no one like me. i am unique as is everyone else and i will bring what i have inside of myself to the table and god-willing it will resonate with others that are of like mind and want to create something that is art and withstands the test of time.
my screenplay is titled "how i survived the sixties" and if you go to fb you can type it in, add -the movie and you will come to my page. please become a fan. i think once i have the financing it will have a snowball effect and production will begin as soon as crew and cast are in place. but first i needed to get my own place, my own home, a sanctuary to work from.
but my question is this: why is it that everything has to happen the nano-second before it's needed??? why must i be brought to the edge of the precipice i feel like i will fall into only to be brought back to safety and security? that seems to be the m.o. of my life right now. everything, bills, rent, buying food, all takes the very last moment i cannot do without that it all comes to fruition. but it does happen, the money appears, the place to live that is perfect manifests. it is miraculous. so today is another day and i will plow thru best i can. living in la is a big challenge. there is nothing to do but trust in god and his beneficence. i will just believe, click my heels together and be happy to have a home, be it ever so humble.
